i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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