Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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