There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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