A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
