never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
