Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
