I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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