OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
