i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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