and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
