Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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