My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
