I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he shaved USA in his pubs
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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