You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
