No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
