I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
