You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
