the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
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My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
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That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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