thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
