A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
