I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
