Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
