I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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