Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
