i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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