just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
