we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
