The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
