Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
