Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
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