U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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