just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize