I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We just shotgunned beers for America
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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