Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
