She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
