I think i peed on brittanys purse
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
