Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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