I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
