did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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