o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
