YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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