I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
