Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
