i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
