Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
