We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
