are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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