wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
