ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
