when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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