wat bout pragnant strippers??
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
