turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
