my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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