There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
