He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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