It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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