my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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