WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Randomize
