I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
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