I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
