I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
