You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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