my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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